Does any of this matter?

How would you even know?

One thing I really hoped to learn when I started grad school was how I could know the impact of a program. How do you know what you did? How do you know if it���s good?

Unexpectedly, this curiosity led me back to statistics and econ classes, like I mentioned earlier, and an internship to learn more about monitoring and evaluation in Sudan. This curiosity is na��ve. This probably isn���t the kind of thing you can really know for sure, let alone learn in a classroom or figure out with numbers. A lot of what I wanted to learn is proving just as elusive as ever.

Or maybe running good programs is really easy. Maybe it���s just a matter of spending enough time somewhere to begin to understand it. You���ll probably have to ask a lot of questions. Maybe then you spread around some resources and some guidance. Next is the difficult part of stepping back and allowing the people who need the program and want the program to create it and run it. Lastly, you probably have to stick around long enough to know if it failed or was good. And that conclusion probably comes from an honest consultation deep within your gut or your heart or whatever body part you credit for trustworthy intuition and conscience.

Here, a lot of projects fail. It���s part of the reason why people can���t seem to work here long. They arrive enthusiastic and optimistic and then find defeat in unfinished or abandoned projects���and failure is hard to take and not what we went to grad school for. Optimism shatters and departures follow.

I���ve spent most my time here cleaning and arranging data into a database. This probably doesn���t matter. I have really enjoyed the experience, but I can���t pretend my work will have a significant impact on the well-being of the Sudanese. Luckily I mostly just came to learn. I���ve certainly done a lot of that.

But today I felt a part of something special.

Shadarak, one of the guards of this compound, was watching over my shoulder with great curiosity while I continued my daily inefficient ritual of fumbling around with Access. I opened up a blank Word document and stepped aside.

Shadarak typed:

Shadarak dama
Secondary school
My friend alex
In Kurmuk Sudan
Let good

You can���t begin to imagine how happy he was when I taught him to use the ���enter key��� and type with capital letters. After 26 years, he used a computer for the first time. He sat back with a huge grin of satisfaction and said, ���What���s up, man?��� I accidentally taught him that phrase over the past few days. I just realized that I say the same thing every time I see him.

All the backslapping and revelry caught the attention of Mariam, one of the housekeepers who was washing dishes under the twig canopy that serves as a giant dish rack. She came over.

Natinael is one of the Ethiopian laborers who walks here every morning to contribute to a few ongoing compound projects. I met him the other day when I asked if I could do something. He wasn���t interested in my clumsy help, but we had a nice conversation. He started it off by asking me if I was from ���Minnesota, or Minneapolis, or Washington, or Atlanta.��� I���m dying to know how he came up with that list. He said my ���department of international relations is very beautiful.���

Natinael came over and asked Shadarak and Mariam if they ���had the computer skills.���

I certified Shadarak as a teacher after our 7 minute lesson and put him to work. With authority and confidence, he turned to Mariam and Natinael, pointed to the laptop, and said, ���This is where you will be typing your name.���

He showed them the spacebar, enter key, arrows, and letters.

Natinael typed:

Natinael Birasa wayasa

Then he turned to his teacher Shadarak and asked, ���How can I save my name on this computer?��� What a beautiful thing to ask. He was very proud of himself.

Mariam is probably the quickest learner. She typed:

Mariam Jemes sama IAM CLENAR IN LING

���LING��� is the name of a resource center the NGO built here in this village. In addition to washing our dishes, I learned she also keeps the resource center clean. Ironically, while the building she maintains provides computer training for the village, I got to be with her the first time she touched a keyboard.

I got to be with three people while they used a computer for the first time. I think it was the most meaningful time I���ve spent here���at least it felt like it. While I���d like to think this will make a difference, I will never know. I don���t have enough time to stick around and see.